Meet Louvee Lee Lots

We submitted our application for this adoption in January and it was accepted on January 20, 2012.  We did our dossier and received LID on

March 19, 2013 I received a call from CCAI.  I was told that we had been matched.  My heart stoped and I could not breathe for what seemed like minutes.  The day we had waited so long for was here.  My first thought I AM NOT READY, my second thought SHUT UP BRAIN I'VE WAITED FOR THIS DAY FOR MONTHS, YEARS.

I was told that Cao Yu Han was born on January 29, 2012.  My first thought, good sign my parents anniversary!  I was then told she had a severe bilateral cleft lip and palate.  My first thought, no worries we are used to cleft lip and palate.  I was told she had big, beautiful eyes.  Was from Xinxiang orphanage and Pam told me the same orphanage Kian was from (although he didnt live there much).  I told Pam I wanted to see her file right away.

She emailed me and there was no file attached.  I WAS HYSTERICAL!!  I wanted to see my baby girl.  When I opened up the file here HUGE, BROWN eyes pierced my soul and caught me complely off guard.  I will be honest I invisioned my little girl to look just like Kian but with pig tails.  Black, straight pigtails that stuck out from her head.  But here was a beautiful little girl with huge eyes that look nothing like Kian. 

I will also admit I was a little nervous to share her file with my husband because her cleft lip was so severe.  He was at work and I couldnt wait for him to get home so I called him and asked him if he could look at her file.  He was in the middle of something and said he would call me back.  It felt like ETERNITY waiting for his call.  When he called I told Jeff about her and warned her that her lip was really severe.  He opened her file and was taken back with her lip as I worried he would be.  I started to sob.  He said honey I didnt say no I am just shocked by her lip.  I asked him to watch the video and let me know what he thought.  I hung up and sobbed for a long while.  She was my baby, I looked right past the lip and loved her so much.  Seconds later I got a text from Jeff that said "I watched the video, lets get her!"  He just needed a minute and thats ok.  I sobbed with joy!!

I hate to blog because I can't do it without being 100% honest and at times I would like to keep my thoughts to myself.  But if anyone reads this and wants to adopt or is adopting I want them to know the absolute truth.  There are SO MANY EMOTIONS!!!

Anyway back to Match Day!!  For hours I was on cloud 9 so excited to know my baby girl, FINALLY!!  Then at about 6PM doubt started to creep in.  At 7PM I was in my bed in the fetal position unable to function because the fear had taken over my body.  I was afraid that maybe this wasnt my little girl.  I mean how do I really know?  What if I got the wrong girl and mine was really waiting for me??  All these dumb fears took over my mind, body and soul.  Jeff got home and climbed in bed with me and talked me through it all.  Within minutes I felt much better and went to share the news with my parents and get their good advice.

I walked in still a bit frazzeled and told them we were matched.  I then began to tell them how fear had overtaken me but initially it felt so great.  My AMAZING dad reminded me that Fear is not of God and I needed to replace it with FAITH!!  My parents reminded me that Satan did not want me bringing thing little girl home to our family.  I felt so calm and sure again after talking to them and havent had any fear since.  OK I do worry that she may not love me right away.  Kian loved us so quickly I worry she may take longer.  But now I know its just silly worries.

So I got home and told Jeff about the talk I had with my parents.  Mc has DOG EARS and had been listening and said mom are you thinking about not getting our sister.  I explained that it was a big choice and we were just discussing it.  Mc looked at me and said "We will go to China and bring her home and make her life better." and that was that.  All the wisdom in life came from my 9 year old son who has perfect faith.  WE WILL GO AND GET HER AND BRING HER HOME AND MAKE HER LIFE BETTER AND SHE IN TURN WILL MAKE OUR LIFE BETTER!!