Jasper

On September 22, 2010 my life changed forever. Let me explain a little before I get to why my life changed. We have been trying to adopt a child from China for a little over 4 years now. Several months ago we learned that there were 1200 people ahead of us on the list for children and we were somewhere in a group of 600 more. Only 15-30 kids get matched each month so doing the math our hopes of ever getting a child were crushed. I started researching other adoptions routes and was given the name of Laura by a friend of mine. I emailed Laura and we spoke on the phone. She told me about an adoption site Rainbow Kids. She told me to look at it and I would know when I found my child. I spent some time on the site but never found my kid like she said I would. I filled out some information saying what year, sex and special needs I would accept and then every several weeks I would get emails with kids that met the profile I had set up. I looked at the kids felt nothing and deleted their files. There were a few times when I saw a kid and would try to make myself feel something. That was until Jasper. When I got the email for Jasper I was not even thinking about adoptions. I had just gone back to work and I was so busy I couldn't even think straight. This little face showed up on my email and I could not delete it. I sent the picture to my husband and asked him jokingly if I could have this little boy for my birthday. Then I emailed the agency and asked about Jasper. I got a response very quickly and I was in LOVE instantly. I called my agency to see if I could get this boy and of course China's website was down and they couldn't check and China was on Holiday. My agency said this boy is a special needs boy and you haven't submitted your paperwork for a special needs adoption. I explained that I had the paperwork and had been working on it for quite some time I just hadn't submitted it. I actually had it there at work so I immediately faxed it to her so I could get this little boy. I couldn't wait for China so I asked the agency if this boy was on the shared list. I was told NO. I was so sad, I really felt like this boy was mine. The agency said I could transfer my file to them and adopt him that way. My agency said no you have to have them transfer the file to us so you can adopt him. To make a very long story short this went on for two weeks. I cried daily due to the hopelessness that I felt. I wanted this boy so badly and I was locked in to be his mom but the agencies couldn't get it worked out. I contacted attorneys and everything and couldn't get anywhere. I had trouble breathing and had great anxiety. I found myself stopping several times throughout the day to catch my breath and calm my heart. My friend Jen was my rock through all of this. I cried to her several times a day and she always gave me hope. She reminded me to fast and that is what I needed. I decided at the end of two weeks that I had done everything possible to adopt this little boy and I had gotten nowhere. My agency couldn't transfer my file due to China regulations and the other agency couldn't transfer his file. So, I told my Heavenly Father that I had to put this in his hands and if it was meant to be he would make it work out. This was Thursday night and I woke up feeling like things would work out on Friday morning. I went to work, came home around noon and at about 1PM I got a call from my agency. It was Pam, my worker, saying that she was sorry things hadn't worked out with Jasper. She then told me she had a file with our name on it that had been on her desk ever since I faxed her the paperwork for a special needs child two weeks ago. She asked if she could send it to me. I told her NO, I want Jasper but I knew it wasn't going to work out to get Jasper. I then told her this had all been to much and maybe I wasn't ready to go through it all again. She asked me if she could just send the file for me to look at. I repeatedly said NO I was not ready. She told me she felt I really needed to look at the file. So finally after arguing with her for ten minutes I told her she could send the file. But I was exhausted and I told myself I was going to take a nap and I would look at the file later. While trying to sleep I kept thinking of this file in my email. I could not sleep. I told myself just go look at the file and delete it and get on with life. So I turned on the computer and logged into my email. Shi Jian Liang was the name on the file, I opened it up and....................................knew immediately that this was MY SON!!!!! I know you may be thinking how crazy I am and trust me I felt NUTS. But what I came to know is that Shi Jian Liang is my son but I couldn't get his file because I had not done the paperwork for a special needs adoption. So, my Heavenly Father sent me Jasper to open the door so that Liang Liangs file could be sent to me. Once I saw Liangs file I instantly felt calm and peace and writing this now I feel it again and know without a doubt that he is mine. So, I sat down and did a hard thing and wrote the other adoption agency and told them I was letting Jasper go and prayed he went to a good home. There is now way I could have ever gotten Jasper due to paperwork problems but I will never forget him and what he did for me and my family. I will cherish him always and think of him often. I wont post Jaspers picture because somewhere he now hopefully has a family but he is darling. I didn't email Jeff Liangs picture I wanted to see his response. When I showed him the picture he said he didn't want to hurt my feeling but thought Liang was much cuter than Jasper. I took that as he felt the same connection I did, with our boy. And that is why my life has changed drastically....to be continued