You Can't Make Deals with God!!

A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with my friends from High School and it came up about making deals with God. I said I know you can't make deals with God but I tried anyway. A friend of mine said sure you can I made a deal with God, I told God I would have another baby if it was a boy. I proceeded to tell her that God has a sense of humor and it would now be a girl. A couple of days later she emailed me to let me know that God must be laughing because she was indeed pregnant with a baby girl. Well, I am not laughing at all right now. As a matter of fact I am pretty pissed off. I wanted to take a picture of my big, fat, bare ASS as this posts header. I knew that would make to many people puke so I asked Jeff to pose for me instead but then decided I didn't want to get all of you ladies out there hot and bothered over my gorgeous man. You may be wondering why my ass?? Well I have all these emotions I don't know that to do with right now and a good ole Moon seems like a great idea to relieve some stress but I have no idea who I am mooning. I would also like to flip the bird and yell some really big swear words, again not at anyone in particular just as a way to alleviate some stress. At the end of the day I took out all my frustration on the shit that had come out of our drain last week and has made my basement unsanitary. So I saved all of you a vomit session from my ass that would have surely hit you in the eye when you opened this post!! Now that I have that off my chest, whew nothing like a good vent and some bad words to help a little. Back to my story!!! As many of you know I was DONE with invitro on try 4 when I got the call a week into my bed rest that they had frozen 3 embryos. I had a complete melt down because I NEVER wanted to go through invitro again. But I couldn't live with the what ifs and I couldn't leave them in the freezer so I sucked it up and prepared for round FREAKING 5 of invitro. I pleaded with God that if it wasn't meant to be to please let the embryos die when they thawed out so I wouldn't have to go through this again. But, I was right you can't make deals with God. I don't think he's laughing at me by any means and I understand he has a plan for me but right now I hate the plan and I hate the pain that comes with knowing I will never birth another child and McKade is still without a sibling, which hurts the most. I know one day I will understand the plan and that does bring me peace!! So don't get me wrong people I still love God and I know he loves me and more important I know that my Savior truly knows the depth of mine, Jeff's and McKades pain and I know we will all get through this together. BUT, I am in a bad place but I promise I will get out of it but for the next few days stay clear you may get a moon, finger or a few swear words thrown out there and if you have Pepsi in your home and I smell it, I will steal it!!!! But to those of you who have been through this with me and helped me with Mc I love you and will never forget your support, that is the real reason my white ass is not in your eye!!